Tuesday, March 15, 2005

Elimination of employment next challenge in human rights struggle

142 STREET, EDMONTION: An extensive research project funded by the Centre for the Advancement of Human Rights was concluded today. A 29 year-old white human male of average height and build was exposed to eight hours of what is called “employment.” The research concluded that:

1. Employment is deleterious to humans’ ability to pursue other interests such as watching ants chew through wood; watching film matinees, and exploring the dating scene in bars on early Tuesday afternoons
2. Employment also leads to fatigue
3. High doses of particularly strenuous employment can provoke fits of alcohol consumption in some humans.

Lead research scientist, Viktor Krachmarxko publicly stated that, “Employment, and especially full-time employment, is clearly rather a primitive instinct in humans and it is hoped, for the sake of progress, that in due course, suitable substitutes for employment can be found. We have found in some particularly disturbing cases that a full day’s work can interfere with an individual’s capacity to write coherent updates to his or her online blog. That’s an abuse of human rights if ever I saw one.”