Wednesday, March 16, 2005

More on Employment. And Lions, and Democracy, and Rodent Parents

I’ve only seen a typical office worker put in a full day’s work about four times in my life. I mean, truly all-out, no-holds-barred, pedal-to-the-metal WORK for eight hours straight. That includes me. In an average eight-hour work day, most people only work five or so. So I think the time has come to switch to a 30-hour work week. I’ll give the Man about ten hours a day, Monday to Wednesday. Then the rest of the time I will walk around having random adventures. If everyone else does likewise, think of all the excitement there could be going on. Why, I might well be walking down Whyte Avenue one day, and bump into someone who is working on injecting mice with human brain cells. Now, that is excitement. That beats writing news releases or updating Excel databases. Moreover, this person might have discovered how to inject a mouse with human stem cells, leading possibly to the spread of human genetic material to EVERY SINGLE ORGAN IN A MOUSE’S BODY, which, if replicated in a mouse of the opposite sex, would in turn lead to the capability of TWO MICE CONCEIVING A VIABLE HUMAN LIFEFORM. The human embryo could be injected into a human female’s womb and CARRIED TO TERM. Thus the world would bear witness to the first human being born to RODENT PARENTS.

See the infinite opportunities that are denied us because we are cooped up in offices as opposed to roaming the streets seeking entertainment?

In ancient cultures where the 40-hour work week hadn’t been invented, citizens enjoyed far more leisure time than we do today. Among the Mayans, it was quite common to enjoy a pleasant afternoon game of what I will call HEADBALL. That is, sports enthusiasts would congregate in the centre of town with the severed heads of their defeated enemies, and proceed to kick them around, much like in soccer.

As for the Romans, they had 10-day bacchanals where they were treated to hourly re-enactments of Ridley Scott’s “Gladiator,” as well as the spectacle of an obscure cult of individuals, (called Christians) being fed to lions!

And don’t get me started on the Greeks. Shit! In their spare time they hung around on the steps of the Parthenon and invented a little thing called DEMOCRACY! Not to mention FACISM! And the concept of having a chick-friend who you, like, don’t even THINK of banging (Platonic something or another.)

And what the hell do we stressed-out sad-sacks have to show for ourselves? Websites devoted to the study of entropy? Or Vampirism???

Give me a break!