Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Goat Piddle MP Asked to Resign

GOAT PIDDLE: The angry residents of Goat Piddle Harbour, Scotland, have demanded the resignation of their newly-elected MP. In a hastily-scheduled news conference at the Goat Piddle Arms, spokesman Millie McLegspreader read from a prepared address. She accused the Minister of Misinformation of leading her on with the promise of buying her new knitting needles.

“Ah haivn’t seed nah hide nah hair o’ tha bastaird,” said McLegspreader. “He’s braiken his promise.”

There was an interjection from Drillich (the Drunk.) “Ahm pairsonally giving a boot to ti’ chops o’ tha cunt if ah sees him. Ah ne’er goh tha dram ah were promised.”

Jimmie the Hand was on hand with an allegation that the Goat Piddle MP, elected a mere five days ago, had offended the honour of his sister, Millie.

“I seed tha two of thems in the bairn up over Mrs. Tothbit’s,” reported Jimmie. “Afters, I seed them leaving, looking guilty-like – but oan accoont o’ tha Minister’s victory – I decided tah shaik his hand. But his faingers were aw sticky-like.”

Millie proceeded to vehemently deny this report but did look sheepish and blushed. All assembled Goat Piddle residents, however, were in firm agreement that they would ask for the MP to step down. At this point, Drillich’s dog, Tosser, woofed exuberantly, appearing to endorse the collective call to action.