PM: “Let’s Make a Deal!”

OTTAWA: The following statement was released today by the office of Prime Minister Paul Martin :

"Come on down to Parliament Hill, where the only thing hotter than the deals we’re offering is the air coming out of Stephen Harper’s mouth! Bring in your empty pop cans and we’ll give you a whole seat with your name on it in our historical and beautiful parliament chamber. Bring in your sister and heck, we’ll make you speaker! Or that funny-looking dude that carries the mace! Just sign up to support us in any and all confidence votes and you could find your pet project the beneficiary of the fat of the land. Look it, I just gave out – what was it again – $4.6 billion to old smilin’ Jack Layton from the NDP and all his personal peccadilloes. So there’s no saying what I won’t do for you. Yes, I mean YOU! $50,000 for the installation of a deluxe hot tub in Calgary, Alberta in the name of – shall we say – a community physical health and wellness program! No problem! How about a cool million to fund the booze and snacks budget at your town’s next cow-branding party? That’s a cultural investment – don’t you know it?! We’ll do whatever it takes to make a deal. Don’t be shy. Come on down today to Moneybags Martin’s Government Surplussssss Sale and Cash Giveaway, where we’ll pay any price for your support!"